Terms that if you should know if you take part in any Dominant/submissive experiences. They happen, more often than not, because our emotional depth from an experience mixed with the real world collide can be devastating. There are measures to follow to prevent and manage Topdrop or subdrop. As much as they are similar they are also different.
Topdrop & Subdrop Chemical Cocktail Comedown
After the release of chemicals in your body that make ya feel oh so good…just like in a drug addict….or an athlete… coming down can be almost physically painful. Add to that common human mental health issues, and we have a recipe for Topdrop/subdrop Soup. This phenomenon can manifest itself after a scene or after a relationship, after a weekend spent with all your kinky friends at BR99, or for no obvious reason at all. When we have to come out of our scene space and reenter the real world, back to the kids and the job and the spouse and the dishes and life in the fast/slow lane, we may experience an emotional let down of sorts.
What It Feels Like To Drop
Topdrop/subdrop can manifest itself in many physical and emotional ways; anxiety attacks, feelings of loss, indescribable sadness, crying for no apparent reason, lethargy, insomnia, total panic, extreme emotional numbness, rage, dizzy spells, irrational fears, manic energy, the desire to isolate, the thought of leaving the scene, or the partner….feelings of self hatred, loss of appetite, the uncontrollable desire to binge, perhaps even to purge, inability to concentrate, headaches, leg cramps, nausea. I have even heard of excessive hair loss after a scene. These symptoms can be fleeting and mild or can last for extended periods of time, making your life unmanageable and causing you to do things you may regret later.
Emotional Play Preparations
Some of the work of aftercare can be started before the scene/event even starts.
Preparing yourself mentally for what is about to happen:
Figuring out what you want to get out of the scene. Assessing where your head space is today:
Is it that time of the month?
Do you have a bunch of other stuff in your life bothering you right now that you need to put aside before you play?
What feelings do you recognize in yourself right now; fear, hope, lust, frustration, anxiety, excitement?
Manage your Top & sub Expectations
Do you have expectations that are realistic? Are you confident you and your Top/sub are on the same page. This is important for play as it is in life. Make sure you manage your time and health accordingly. No one likes a stressed out sub who can’t submit properly or a Dominant who is unknowingly redirecting pent up anger.
Good wellbeing is your responsibility and key to successfully enjoying the depth of your fetishes to the fullest. Any good Top or bottom will provide support.
Negotiate your Aftercare Effectively
Not everyone is into cuddling and mushy intimacy as part of aftercare. If that’s what you need or expect then make sure your partner is aware of that and agrees to provide it. If not you may be setting yourself up for a big disappointment.
Make sure you have support set up for when you get home.
Then there is preparing yourself physically for the scene/event.
Getting enough sleep before hand.
Eating something relatively healthy (unless you are fasting for a reason before the scene).
Making sure you don’t forget to take your regular meds before the scene.
Taking some analgesics like ibuprofen before the scene so your carpal tunnel doesn’t flare up as bad from all that cane swinging.
Having a comfortable set of clothes and shoes to wear in case you need to change.
I believe it is everyone’s individual responsibility as a player in the scene and a member of this community to protect themselves and care for themselves properly, and to make sure play partners are in good condition after we are done with them. To me the scene isn’t over till sufficient aftercare has been given.
There are lots of techniques to aftercare that work for partners: Hydrate, feed if appropriate, wrap in a blanket, cuddle, massage, whisper, talk, sing to, make eye contact, console, wipe tears, smile, stroke hair, take to a quiet place, nap, share feelings, bathe, keep warm, encourage, express gratitude. Some people spend the minutes after a scene to review it and share their feelings on it. Some people need to just relax and save the intellectualizing for later.
Plan on having quiet time and nap time when you get home or are alone. Eat something healthy and comforting but don’t binge…..a bowl of ice cream is great……a half gallon is not. Set up a support system and phone calls for yourself when you get home…isolation is not the same as solitude.
Check in with your partner if possible.
Write about the scene, your feelings, what you liked and didn’t like.
Write a gratitude list.
Write a love letter to yourself.
Take a hot bath with Epson salts and light candles. Did I say nap? Remember napping is not the same as sleeping all day. Do some aromatherapy; lavender, rosemary, bergamot, and sandalwood are very soothing fragrances. Nurture yourself; get a massage, manicure, pedicure, facial. If your Top or sub is not available to nurture you after a scene then find someone who is. Go shopping but don’t overspend. Doodle, read, listen to music. Stay away from the news…..and unhappy people.
Topdrop & Subdrop Are Normal.
If you find yourself still depressed or still experiencing Topdrop/subdrop symptoms a week after a scene….don’t panic….it’s normal….just know it’s going to pass….and keep taking care of yourself. If you find yourself sinking into a depression repeatedly after scenes or in general and nothing seems to work to pull you out of it, consider changing up your lifestyle and/or seeking the help of a professional.