Bringing Out A Vanilla Domme’s Kink

Dominance shows itself in many ways. A Woman can be a Domme naturally in Her life and/or relationship(s); most independent Women are. If She is Dominant in a vanilla way it does not necessarily mean She is a fetish FemDom or is going to carry Her Dominating into the bedroom or sexually as you fantasize about. It seems too often that a sub will fall for a Woman because of Her natural Dominating presence and find themself stuck in this predicament of wanting to serve Her desires, wanting Her to explore Her kinks, and don’t know how to do this without ‘topping from the bottom‘.

Sometimes Submissives Want To Serve Their Domme In More Ways

So “how would one best encourage a vanilla Domme to slowly explore her own ideas?” while remaining submissve to Her needs and make it enjoyable to Her?

I can do one better. Let Me enlighten you to a part of the Female mind. We Women are fickle and unique, but one thing remains the same; understanding, experience, and a trusting hand make all the difference. Never push your fetish onto your Domme; this will only push Her away and possibly disgust Her if not approached properly. Ever see online FemDoms say ‘approach’ or ‘approach carefully’? I know you have. It is because this is natural Female programming. It needs to be something that sparks in Her, but when it does you’ll be ready for a ride.

How Does One Approach Carefully?

It is important to withhold expectations. With all the NSFW FemDom porn, Mistress Erotica, and Fetish Videos you’ve seen fetish expectations of a vanilla Domme / Wife / Woman can lead to disappointment. This is also why it is important that it is at Her lead. A submissive is only to make suggestions. With some persistence and diligence you will find treasures that capture Her curiosity.

I have always been naturally Dominant but it took submissive males and females to bring out My kink.

Communication is in your every step. A Domme can get Topdrop very easily and it is why a lot of Women get turned off of fetish and being kinky easily. To feel free to explore Her kinks She needs a strong submissive. One She feels comfortable being open to, can talk with Her, and isn’t afraid to cry or spend time doing whatever She needs. She needs to know there isn’t judgement. She will need to talk through Her feelings; especially at first. It will take courage for Her to explore and experiment, and support from you as Her sub to reassure Her that what She does in play, Her executing Her power is what you crave from Her.

Giving The SuperEgo A Kink

It is also important to discuss public ‘appearance‘. The superego is quite powerful. A lot of Women become insecure if they don’t feel their man is really a man, or at least perceived that way. There are a lot of aspects to kink that Women feel may disrupt this and their real life if they add fetish to their relationship. It is important to discuss what She needs from you to keep balance in your day to day life and what She is comfortable pretending in play. Reassure Her that anything you do in play does not change what you are for Her publicly unless She wishes.

The superego is the ethical component of the personality and provides the moral standards by which the ego operates. The superego’s criticisms, prohibitions, and inhibitions form a person’s conscience, and its positive aspirations and ideals represent one’s idealized self-image, or β€œego ideal.”

cite: https://www.britannica.com/science/superego

Approach fetish as “pretend” or “play” helps ease Her lack of knowledge. Like when you were young; it’s intimidating when you don’t know the rules so keep it light hearted at first. There is a whole world of knowledge and tools that can seem overwhelming and scary. Never mind how contradicting a lot of fetishes are to what a Girl is taught growing up. The superego needs some encouragement to adjust its programming thus far. This takes time, some exploration, and introspection. As She is open to read and learn at Her pace change will happen and Her mind will become fertile soil to kink.

Expose yourself Carefully

If your vanilla Domme likes you then you are already 60% of the way there. A Woman will have Her own fetishes within Her; reasons to why She says things. It’s likely She is not aware of them. I discover more kink in Me all the time. What Wwe do and experience in Oour lives causes sensations and odd thoughts arising from physical or psychological feelings. These are like treasure chests scattered within Uus. Once Wwe understand Oour inner compass unlocking the kink becomes a matter of fiddling with a tension wrench to find the right combination. Just as you feel these sensations with fetish so can She once She is able to explore what makes Her tick.

I have always been naturally Dominant but it took submissive males and females to bring out My kink. An observant submissive can tell when She likes something, whether She expresses it or not. Not when She says She likes something. Request that She says it more often. The more She is expresses Her pleasure the more things She likes will be exposed to Her. If something intrigues you ask Her how She feels about it and see if She responds if She likes it. Start with the more subtle and only advance if She shows pleasure in the topic.

Always remain compassionate. Always practice aftercare and wellbeing. Fetish can take its toll on the mind and psyche and needs lots of love and care; especially after a scene.

A New Kink Needs Understanding

For example My housepet is into CBT and trampling but I had little experience or understanding, and it was something that was not explored for a long time. There will be aspects to male submission or your specific fetish that a Domme/Woman may not understand; at least at first. Most Women want to please their partner but when they don’t understand it’s hard for a Woman to take charge the way She can and should. There can be doubt. If I don’t understand the psychology behind something I find it difficult to fully get into and enjoy.

So what do you do to feed that understanding? Suggest books/articles? Discuss activities?Introduce to NSFW twitter? Introduce to a Domme? Yes. All of them. How about keeping a submissive journal? Or even better both keep D/s journals; this offers great introspection and gives you a way to clearly express yourself to each other.

Female Dominance Books and Articles

If you do a quick search you will find many books and articles on the subject from erotic fetish literature to real Mistress/Female Lead Relationships, and understanding the psychology and play techniques of FemDom. Hopefully My FemDom Articles have been of use to you.

For more suggestions and amazing Female Authored, fronted, and Dominant book reviews check out SheLeadsHeReads on twitter and his Female Lead Book Reviews.

It is important to find writings that resonate with Her and that She has the time and comfort to read them. As Her submissive these are things you can take care of. Finding Her books and articles She would be interested in reading and providing Her the time to do so is a way to submissively present your desires. Don’t be too eager or excited. Present Her with one or two things to read at first and follow Her lead based on what She likes. Maybe get more erotic or find FemDom instructionals for Dommes if She becomes curious on technique.

Schedule Time To Connect and Journal

The more you talk the further you can explore. Schedule time to sit and talk. Sit down at least once a week where you can be alone together for an hour. Make sure you are rested and that She has Her favourite drink in hand. Allow this to be a time to share thoughts and ideas of some activities you and She would like to explore.

A great addition to this is keeping a submissive journal of your thoughts and feelings throughout the week. This is something you can start on your own anytime, and a good way to track things She does, how they make you feel, and express desires you can’t ask in person. There is something about sharing your inner feelings through words; it is Her choice to read you desires and this changes the context of how your desires are delivered to Her. Depending on how kinky your Domme is may determine how descriptive you get into your desires, as sometimes this is best left for later enteries once She has shown interest and is more comfortable with fetish and its many terms.

Discussing Activities

Schedule an activity during one of these talks. It can be anything, and will depend on your fetishes. Set out Her clothes for a night out and include a key should She get the desire to lock you up first. Make a trip to the mall with some extra cash in hand to kneel and present Her so you have extra bags to carry. Stop at the sex shop before you go home and pick up a pair of restraints and some cotton rope. Spend a night tying different knots. Have Her restrain you and do whatever She wants with you. Try restraining Her and pleasing Her. Sound odd? Sometimes knowing how something feels makes all the difference. Wwe all enjoy things in different ways. Which is Why the sub is the yin to Her yang.

Don’t forget your safe word(s)

The more you play and experience the more you’ll learn what you like and how to teach each other what you want and need.

Use journals to write down your feelings and discuss these during your talks. As a Dominant Woman She will likely enjoy taking the lead on this. Giving opportunity to scold you on what you did wrong and praise you for what you did right. Maybe the talks will progress to your weekly evaluation. As a Domme this helps Me and My pet stay on the same page and now offers natural FemDom into everyday activities together.

Aftercare Aftercare Aftercare

I cannot express the importance of aftercare; especially when introducing someone to new fetishes. The rush that comes from one action can immediately be followed by a negative drop. The more intense a scene or fetish is the more intense the experience is going to be. Sometimes talk during play needs to be discussed afterwards. Sometimes there is complete exhaustion after the high. Stay hydrated. Stay rested. Communicate openly and be mindful of each other and where they are at. Journaling or talking it our helps Uus understand Oour feelings.

Introduce to NSFW twitter?

Seeing other couples and how they live their life, set up their relationship, and play in a safe and fun manner is very beneficial. It reminds Uus that the only thing holding Uus back is Oourselves. The rules of a relationship and play are defined by those taking part. The beauty of twitter and other online NSFW platforms is that you can voyeur through and see so many things to explore and try. Sometimes just seeing something can tingle you in a way you didn’t expect.

Knowledge is power but it is also scary. You can’t unsee things and it can be overwhelming. If you do introduce a Woman to the NSFW FemDom side be sure to take baby steps and let Her dip Her feet in slowly. It might be a good idea to find some things to show Her that would fit Her likes and style. This is something that might be fun during the weekly talks, and give some topics of conversation and interest. Undoubtedly She will have more and more questions than you can answer so be sure to have a firm grasp on your definitions or where to find them.

Dommes each have their own unique style and it’s important that you find one that fits your needs. I believe in Gynarchy. I run a strict order, require truth and loyalty, and demand those around Me to be the best version of themself.

Introduce to a Domme?

This is why Us Dommes are here; to share Our love of fetish. I got turned on to fetish decades ago when I met a real Mistress for the first time who needed My creative design skills. I was in awe of how She commanded Herself and those around Her and it inspired Me to pursue kinky interests going forward. Since then I have met and learnt from countless Women, Dommes, and Mistresses who have continually added to My life. For Me it helps seeing something I want to be and then making My goals from there.

I’ve been able to help many Women in My life find their Female Dominance and explore their fetishes. Fetish isn’t just for boys, and once a Woman learns just how many tools She has at Her disposal to play with you it’s hard for Her not to take the lead. I’ve been told many times from all the new “BabyDommes” how reassuring it is to have someone to run things by and ask questions.

Both couple sessions and one on one with a Domme help. Some places and Dommes even offer large open classroom-like sessions. A Domme can offer tips and experience and give your Woman and relationship a much needed confidant. What is important is that you find the right Domme that can add to your relationship. It may not be the first one you speak to, as your Woman has to feel comfortable with the Domme as well.

A Caution To Introducing A Vanilla Domme To Kink

As Her loyal sub you remain Her slave through whatever fetishes are unlocked. It is certain that introducing kink into your relationship will make things change. By opening pandoras box it is expected that you do your due diligence to help Her and always put Her desires first while being able to communicate yours. Things may become complicated. Time and money must be made to address the extra play in your life; it is not a cheap passion. There may be times of adjustment. Things won’t be the same, but with a solid foundation you may grow and blossom together.

At the end of the day She is going to be the kind of Domme She wants to be.

Goddess SheDevil



Well of course you’re turned on, slave. The trick is learning how to channel all that energy into something useful, like making Me happy.

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