A safeword for the Domme may not be clear at first. If you take a moment to think about it, it makes perfect sense. Not much is ever spoken about in terms of Dommes and a safeword for them. subbie limits are well respected. The Dommes safety however seems to be a very large and important area that has been overlooked. It has been brought to my awareness as a submissive that I am given safewords to protect and monitor myself with.
Any submissive/masochist knows that when one is undergoing a very intense physical scene, that just holding onto those safewords can be a chore. But it is far less a chore than having to reach for a series of words to articulate what is going on. I can call the word “yellow” so that my Domme slows down, and talks to me. I can call the word “red” to make Them stop. But what happens if nothing is wrong with me? What happens if I perceive my Domme is not okay.
Time for another safeword.
Top Drop is a very real emotional environment for Dominants that move into their sadism during a scene. In the later hours after a heavy scene or the following day they can undergo quite a psychological shift in which they feel very uncomfortable with themselves. Some end up beating themselves up emotionally for quite a period of time. Some just get very moody and edgy; not really being able to talk about what is going on, as it’s not clear. Given that Top Drop is very clearly widespread within the D/s S/m community I’m surprised that They too have not thought to give Themselves and their submissives a safeword that checks in on Them during the course of a scene.
Safewords Protect your Domme and you.
As much as it is clearly talked about that a Domme should never enter a S/m scene angry; most won’t when They are clearly angry. It is a lot harder to monitor the under currents of anger or emotional upset when jealousies, work frustrations, stress, etc. enter into the scene.
I have certainly found myself in the middle of a scene knowing that something felt “off” but having no way to articulate it. In the subsequent hours, or even the following day i might be able to understand what i had sensed while in the middle of the scene. Again, as a submissive/masochist, words are not all that readily available to me when in the middle of a scene.
A Domme’s Safeword Can Be As Simple As A Colour
Once i added one more safeword to my venue it began to get much safer for both my Domme and myself. Now i had a word that could say? “purple”? They can step back from the scene and examine themselves for 5 minutes. There needs to be no discussion at the time, They can resume Their play, and i will get a small time out while They inwardly reflect, come to terms with where They are emotionally in the Scene. There have been times that the play has stopped, due to my calling the word, as that was what they needed once having examined their own feelings.
Call The Safeword For The Domme For Check In
Top Drop also became less of an issue for them. Not only can i call the word “purple”, They can as well. Sometimes it’s just in the knowing that a word is there, that makes U/us check in on O/ourselves and each O/other more often. I sincerely hope that those of Y/you that read this article think seriously about what I’m saying and incorporate it into Y/your play. Safewords, are just about that. They help to keep E/everyone safe, not just the submissive.